I was watching NCIS the other day and practically cried after watching it because it revolved around how this lady who was good looking kept going back to her abusive husband because her self worth was tied to him, and in the end, she died because he killed her!

On top of that, I know many of my friends who stayed with their boyfriends even after they were hit before…. so why do women stay?

Psychological commitment

This is an important factor that holds a woman back from leaving even after being abused. Traditionally, women feel and think it is their role to keep the family together especially ‘FOR THE FAMILY’. Thus, many women go into the cycle of blaming themselves if they get beaten up by their husbands or boyfriends as they are not fulfilling their duties as a woman. I’ve known many of my girlfriends stating this:

“We have been together so long already, he may treat me this way because I have a bad temper?”

Dear Ladies, if you have a bad temper, what about him? So ladies, please DO NOT blame yourself for receiving any beatings or scoldings from a boyfriend or spouse because it takes two hands to clap. Plus, if it’s psychological commitment that is holding you back..do understand that we as women do not only assume the role of a wife/girlfriend in the 21st century BUT are committed to alot more than that.

Economic Dependence

Now, this is quite a well known fact why women stay even after the abuse. Many women think they cannot survive on their own possibly due to lower educational status, or the thought of being alone with no money. That was what happened with the girl in NCIS, so afraid to leave because she thought she couldn’t survive on her own BUT she died in the end because the husband was mad, couldn’t control himself and stabbed her!

So, it’s time to stand up and be counted regardless of whether you are financially dependent on someone because there are many organizations out there to aid you with food and shelter, and also skills to be financially independent in the future such as http://www.wao.org.my/

In the 21st century, women are seen as equals with men, not only the role of housewives. To leave and not be tortured anymore is a MUST….. Most importantly, do not let FEAR hinder you because bullies/abusers can smell fear and use it against you.. After the first hit, it’s not good news and a sign that he will continue it, following the saying “A Leopard will never change it’s spot” !


It’s time to empower yourself women of Malaysia!

Research has shown that these two factors are reasons women don’t leave when they are abused and I am writing to you who is reading this because you are a victim, or Know of one to take action, and be aware that violence against women needs to stop starting with yourself!

You can email me at [email protected] if you have any questions in regards to this matter.

Yours Truly,

Mei Sze